i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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