Umm I'm too high to move.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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