so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
