i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
