then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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