so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
