mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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