you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
