i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
