I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
