you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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