I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
