Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
