he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
