I just saw a hot homeless man
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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