I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize