We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I could fuck to npr.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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