just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
