i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
