I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
