You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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