from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
