Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
