I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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