This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
