so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
