so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
