i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
