they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
