Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
BRING THE BAGELS
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
