I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
