I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Go christen that room with your naked body.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
