god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize