I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
