you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
