so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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