Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
