she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
