Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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