the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
