This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
