the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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