Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
