I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
