I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
