we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
