whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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