Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
