I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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