Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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