I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
