I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
