Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
