I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
