I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
