I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
