I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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