It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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