apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
