My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
