and i looked up. we had an audience...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
