I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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