First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i think i have herpe
just one?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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