sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize