Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
