Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
