He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i drank out of a bidet.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
