Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
